Berlusconi Unplugged

In one on my recent naps, I had the opportunity to interview Italy's former Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi.

Q: Mr. former Prime Minister, are you a dog person?

A: Not really, even though the well-being of my wiener has always been my number-one priority.

Q: I can see why Italian women have so little respect for you. Since you're being a smart ass, I'll just go for the bark. How did you manage to single-handedly ruin Italy?

A: I spent fifteen years brainwashing Italians through my stupid television stations, broadcasting soccer and sex. When a power vacuum came about in the government, I already knew how to control minds and hearts and gen-Italia. Then I came in like a Hoover.

Q: Your bunga bunga parties are your greatest contribution to Italian culture. How did you find the time to run the country?

A: Did I run the country? Many people argue I didn't.

Q: Yes, you did! Into the ground. How do you sleep?

A: At my age, it's good to have something that keeps you up at night.

Q: Like your four pending trials?

A: I love trials. In the end, I always get off.

Q: Some say you have let the country go to the dogs, but I disagree. Dogs would never have voted for you three times.

I woke up barking angrily at the cover of "Time." My collie cousin Ester lives in Italy. In her honor: Viva l'Italia e abbasso Berlusconi!