The Elephant in the Room

As a bicontinental dachshund, I'm well aware it's easy to make blunders in a foreign land. My mom once said in Italian that I have five anuses when she meant to say I was five years old.

U.S. presidential candidate Mitt Romney, whose family road trips are notorious to dog lovers, has made several blunders on his wotten waven overseas summer trip. I've thought of some explanations for Mitt (though I could never explain the dog on the car roof).

Yes, Mitt Romney did tell NBC's Brian Williams that he saw "disconcerting" signs about the preparations for the London Olympics. Too bad Brian Williams didn't give him a chance to explain what he really meant.

Yes, his press secretary did invite reporters to kiss his ass in Warsaw. But as Romney later explained, he was referring to his donkey.

Of course, both Romney and his press secretary failed to note that the donkey is a democratic symbol. Was that a Freudian slip, or just an elephant in the room?

Moovies

Tootsie and Muccabella in conversation near Stierva, Switzerland.

A City of Burrows

Pfeiffo and Tootsie in conversation roughly 4000 miles east of New York City

Zuckerberg Unplugged

In one of my recent naps, I had the opportunity to interview Facebook co-founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg.

Tootsie: Mr Zuckerberg, are you aware that your name means 'Sugar Mountain' in German?

Zuckerberg: Yes. Beast looked it up on Google Translate.

T: How come Beast has a Facebook page but not a blog?

Z: She needs a Wall to pee on. Blogs only have posts.

T: How do you feel about Facebook having gone public?

Z: How can a business stay private if it's about getting people to go public with their private lives? Plus, we never had much respect for anything private.

T: That's not entirely true. You were careful about keeping certain things private. For instance, you didn't disclose that FB stock was seriously overvalued.

Z: It wasn't. The price plummeted because I dumped a bunch of my own shares.

T: Sounds like a chicken and egg situation.

Z: Eggs lie at the very foundation of Facebook.

T: How so?

Z: I started Facebook because I realized that college students want to be like eggs.

T: You mean, only higher grades?

Z: No, I mean they want to get laid. Every day.

T: Some argue that you laid an egg with the IPO.

Z: Not at all. The IPO showed that FB can generate income. At least for me.

T: But now you're facing more court time.

Z: Nothing wrong with being courted. BTW, how come you aren't on Facebook?

T: Because I don't need a Wall to pee on. I prefer peeing on grass.

Happy Birthday, Pat!

Happy Birthday, Pat-the-Human!

Kindle for Borges: "Tootsie and I"

Make it Matter

With apologies to Don Draper from AMC Mad Men, HP co-founder David Packard once said that "Marketing is too important to be left to the marketing department."

I wonder what he would think about HP's latest campaign.

"If you're going to do something, make it matter."

Swiss Benches

There is an endless supply of benches along Swiss hiking trails.

To humans, they're just benches. To dogs, they are trailside buffets.

As a general rule, I recommend an exhaustive search of the entire bench area for scraps of food. Statistically, the area below the bench offers the highest payoff.

Prior to engaging in a systematic search, it is best to divert your parents' attention. To this end, encourage them to sit on benches that offer scenic views, like this one outside of Stierva in Canton Graubünden.

It is no coincidence that my parents refer to me as a Hoover. Sometimes Dad calls me Herbert, or even Edgar.

Beer and Skittles, Kalamazoo, Michigan

On the Kalamazoo, Michigan portion of Mom's book tour this past March (thank you, KZOO BOOKS and Friends of Poetry!), Mom visited the recently opened Beer and Skittles store. Her special poet friend Danna works there.

I was cuddling with Grandpa back in Idaho. But Mom brought me several bumper stickers.

One of the reasons Mom loves this store so much is because of its core beliefs.

Beer and Skittles Core Beliefs:

"1. Life is short, and each small victory deserves a celebration."

I, Tootsie, declare: You know this is true. Every sit deserves a biscuit and every stay deserves a cuddle!

"2. Every small thing matters. In fact, sometimes, the smallest gesture makes the biggest impact."

I, Tootsie, declare: You know this is true. Every wag makes a difference.

"3. You don’t need to spend a fortune to live well: focus your spending on things that matter, and know where to shop."

I, Tootsie, declare: You know this is true. Mom bought treats for Grandpa, but then ate almost all the treats from Beer & Skittles on the plane ride home because everything was so yummy. She knew where to shop: at Beer and Skittles in Kalamazoo!

Mom saved one cookie for Grandpa from the package of Hail Merry Macaroons. You'll fall in love with the Hail Merry company when you read this note from her creator, Susan O'Brien.

Vegan macaroons? "Best macaroons ever," says Mom.

"Best one macaroon ever," said Grandpa after he ate his cookie.

Another reason Mom loves the Beer and Skittles store is because it was owner Christine Horton's dream to open such a store, which she did along with her co-owner husband.

Beer and Skittles is also on Facebook and posts lots of yummy food photos and eclectic beer information. This is a neat brief article about the store.

And here's a picture of me.

Happy Fourth of July, America!

From my house to yours, Happy Fourth of July!

Kate Spade

I read on The Long and Short that long-hair dachshund superstar Brady Kelsay recently burrowed on the set of Kate Spade's summer web shoot. Brady, you look terrific!



Fur Disclaimer. Dear Kate Spade: if you want me to remove the picture above because of copyright issues, please let me know and I will remove it. But remember: (1) It's a joke; (2) I'm a dog; (3) I'm also spayed.

In any case, the billboard below offers some really good advice.

Coffee with Canine Interview

We are thrilled to be interviewed over at Coffee with Canine. We would be grateful if you would wag on over and leave a note there at the interview. Thank you!

Thank you, Marshal, for interviewing my mom (and through her, me). We love the Coffee with Canine blog.

Bassetmomma left us a note there over the weekend; thank you, Bassetmomma! And thank you, dear readers, for taking a look.