Monday, December 15, 2014

Guest Post: A Day in the Life of a Wire-Haired Dachshund in India

by Ms. Champi
(as told to Minal Hajratwala)

7:30AM – My cook arrives. Go to kitchen to supervise cooking of mutton, rice, daal, carrot.  Gaze up lovingly at her.
Note to self: Do not bite the hand that feeds me.  Even though it would taste so nice and muttony…
8:15AM – Nap #1 of 7.

9:00AM – Human awakes. Morning ablutions for all, followed by sunbathing.

9:45AM – Human leaves for work.  Exiled to sky terrace.  Paw at door in protest.
Note to self:  Consider going on hunger strike, à la Gandhi?
Note to self:  Scratch that.  Terrible idea.
10:00AM – Defend territory from birds, branches, strong gusts of winds, and occasional simians.

11:00AM – My maid arrives.  Supervise sweeping and dusting. Bark vehemently if she tries to steal my toys or chew-bone.
Note to self: Servants cannot be trusted. Vigilantia Aeterna! 
1:00PM – Nap #2 of 7, soon followed by Nap #3 of 7 and, shortly thereafter, Nap #4 of 7. 
Note to self: Speak to groundskeeper about installing deck chairs and personal paddle pool.
In between – Attempt to escape.  If successful, visit human's brother in 4th block.  En route, visit smoothie dachshund on floor below.   Sniff all over and mark territory.  This block belongs to me!
Note to self:  Ad victoriam! 
4:00PM – Evening duty.  Begin listening keenly for my human’s car. Run in circles. Stand at window and try to look out. Why is this window so high?  Why does it have curtains anyway???!#$
Note to self:  Prepare PowerPoint presentation for housing association Board about lowering all windows to dachshund height.
5:00PM – Greet human.  Begin daily exercise routine:
Lick human’s toes.
Run up and down whole length of flat. 
Run in circles.
Roll on tummy. 
Lick every available part of human.
Don’t forget stretching: downward dog and upward dog asanas.
Lick own toes.
Time for Nap #5 of 7.

6:00PM – Nudge human and look hungry.  Look at bowl; look at human.  Look at bowl; look at human.  Repeat as necessary. 

Supervise scooping of food into bowl.

Eat! Yummmmmmm!

Nap #6 of 7.

8:00PM – Human mealtime.  Sit near table.  Look hungry.  Gaze at human and practice mind-control techniques:   “Feed me…  Feed me…  Feed me…”  

If non-veg, stand on hind legs and cry. 

In extreme cases (KFC, mutton biryani), apply advanced barking techniques until human succumbs to mind control.
Note to self:  Yum!  Bones!  Crunchy!
9:00PM – Nap #7 of 7.

11:00PM – Evening ablutions.

11:30pm – Finally, after long hard day’s work, climb into bed and get some rest.  Supervise fluffing of pillows.  Drift off to dreamland.  Zzzzzzzz…! 
Note to self:  Adopting these humans was the best decision I ever made.
A special note:
Champi would love our readers to check out her mama's publishing collective. It's a wonderful campaign. Thank you so much for following the link to The Great Indian Poetry Collective.

All photos this page -- of fabulous Ms. Champi -- are by Lakshmi Shubha.


  1. Very important not to bite the hand that feeds you! LOL!

  2. wow, Ms. Champi, you are a hard working Dachshound...specially the barking sounds exhausting :o)
    Easy Rider

  3. That is just wonderful!
    And Ms. Champi is so right. Hunger strike = v. bad idea (unless you are Gandhi).

  4. Advanced Barking Techniques are applied often in our house too.

    --Wags (and purrs) from Life with Dogs and Cats.

  5. Hi Y'all!

    Advanced Barking Techniques...I've been trying to practice them. They work on Human Papa, not Human Mama. Maybe I need to visit you for some coachin'.

    Y'all come on by,
    Hawk aka BrownDog

  6. Wow, this was hilarious! Looks like doxie behavior is pretty universal: the kissing every available surface and yoga stretch moves are extremely familiar. "Downward dog," BOL!

  7. hilarious! nap # 7! What a life you live!! Cole would be jealous except for the exercise. LeeAnna and cole at not afraid of color

  8. You are busy, like me. You handle down time well, like me. You have a mommy with opposable thumbs who is your typist, like me. My name is Eddie McPuppers, and I am a columnist for a Petfinder Newsletter. My latest column was about all the things I am grateful for... like a 2-parent home and a smeller that works and Mommy's leftovers and Daddy's walks. If you contact my mommy at and give her your address (or your mom's address) she'll send you a copy, right Mommy?

    Time for treats. Gotta go.
    Lovies, Eddie McPuppers


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...